Do We Really Know What We Look Like?

We all think we know how we look, but do we really ‘know’? How can we? Certainly, we can see ourselves in the mirror, but do we really have a sense or knowledge of how others see us? We only have an idea based on what the mirror tells us and ultimately how we regard ourselves, the value we place on appearance, what our mood is and the feedback we receive from others. Is that objective?

How we perceive things changes from person to person. Have you ever found someone you regarded as attractive, only to ask someone else who comments, “Yeah, he or she is alright looking”? Well, how can that be if it is the same person? Yes, we all have different concepts of beauty, and the value we place on attractiveness determines how much attention we pay to our looks or those of others. The value that I place on attractiveness or brilliance would influence how I, and I alone, perceived that person. The same goes for ourselves.

I specialize in the treatment of people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which is a preoccupation with one or more nonexistent or slight defects or flaws in physical appearance. This preoccupation gives rise to compulsive behaviors that are performed in response to the appearance concerns that range from picking to plastic surgery. To the outsider, BDD may seem like a trivial concern and a matter of vanity, but it is really quite the opposite. The person feels disgust and shame regarding some aspect of his or her appearance and is often highly anxious about being seen and evaluated by others. About 40 percent end up homebound, they are hospitalized more often than schizophrenics, and 80 percent have suicidal ideation with 29 percent attempting suicide. It is a significant and serious disorder.

I was drawn to these clients because they are challenging and often misunderstood. They are perpetually wounded and cannot escape from their symptoms because they are of their own making and, after all, how do we escape our own bodies? Unfortunately for them peace does not come at the end of a surgeon’s blade, and this is where I come in trying to convince these clients to change the way they think about their body rather than the body part itself. Our goals are very different, and our first challenge is to agree upon a common goal.

I remember the day Jimmy, 22 years old, came to my office after trying to convince his parents to pay for surgery, angry that he was wasting his time with me. He sported a baseball cap with a hint of bangs showing partly below. He said he did not like the way his hairline looked, and that he wanted a second hair transplant, which his parents would not allow. In his sophomore year of college it had become impossible for him to sit in class or socialize and he had to finally had to take a protracted leave of absence. Jimmy thought that his forehead was too big and that his hair was receding. Nothing would convince him otherwise, so to hold onto my own receding credibility, I did not dare argue my perception with him. I said that I understood and that there was little I could do except ask him to try to think a bit differently about his appearance over the next few months, since his parents would not pay for another surgery.

My road ahead was not going to be easy, nor was his. He came in a few times a week, trying to align his purported values with the time he spent catering to them. Although he claimed that he did not value attractiveness as highly as education, family and friends, he soon realized that he spent more time on his appearance than anything else. We tried to set that straight. I took him out of the office without his hat and had him expose his hairline at the beauty counter of a nearby store. He had to sit with his anxiety, hair and forehead exposed in all the places he had avoided including the university cafeteria, the local bar and with friends. His anxiety and disgust decreased over time in all of these situations. After almost 6 months Jimmy was able to return to school, socialize with friends and eventually date. He had regained his life and had no need for surgery. At that point, he was able to recognize that the problem was not his hairline, but instead his beliefs about it, and the ways in which his preoccupation interfered with his life. He was back on track with a better sense of control. I believe that my CBT-oriented approach with Jimmy was useful; although I believe that it was equally important helping him reconnect with those experiences in his life that were of greater value than his hairline and appearance.

Supply and Demand Psychotherapy

I am a believer in psychotherapy. For close to three decades I had the privilege of working with clients as they transformed their lives in amazing ways. Nothing is more satisfying in life than hearing from a former client years later and learning about the wonderful ways their lives unfolded after our therapy was completed. As a psychotherapist, my entire focus was on the person sitting in the chair across from me. I rarely thought about the people who didn’t make it into my office. I didn’t focus on the waiting list or the people who were referred out. I was content and satisfied in providing effective therapy and a great therapeutic relationship to my clients.

When I became an administrator, whose primary clinical responsibilities were to oversee all of service delivery, my awareness of those who don’t make it into a therapist’s office was heightened. I worked in college and university mental health clinics, and the consequences for students who were made to wait were dire. If a student waited four weeks to get treatment for their depression, they were likely to lose their entire semester. If they failed classes in a particular semester, the entire trajectory of their lives could be altered. Their graduation prospects were in jeopardy, graduate and professional school could be out of reach, and job recruiters might very well may pass on them.

As an administrator, I found myself in the intolerable position of determining who would flourish and who would flounder based entirely on the date on which that student sought services. If a student arrived in late August, we rolled out the smorgasbord; group therapy, individual therapy, biofeedback, psychiatric consultation. Whatever they wanted we could provide. In contrast, if a student arrived in early October, they would get a quick triage and then be placed on a waitlist, sometimes for a month to 6 weeks.

Compounding the problem were the obvious differences between the people who came in August and those who waited a few weeks. Students who sought services in August were more likely to have been in therapy before. They were also more likely to come from higher socioeconomic groups-they were more often white. On the other hand, students who waited tended to be from lower SES families, first generation college students and “of color.” We were operating a system that provided advantages to the already privileged, and disadvantages to the already oppressed.

I could not continue to have our agency work this way. I had to find new ways to provide effective help to these young people on their way to adulthood. We needed to increase our capacity without sacrificing effectiveness, knowing we would never be able to hire our way out of our supply and demand problem. Our efforts to solve this problem lead to the creation of my company, Therapy Assistance Online (TAO). Problems of supply and demand are not unique to college counseling centers. Over 106 million people in the US live in federally designated underserved areas for mental health. About 56% of US counties have no licensed psychologists or licensed clinical social workers. We are unlikely to ever meet the mental health needs of the population through face-to-face individual psychotherapy. In digital and online tools and services we have the best hope for putting a dent in the problem.

Our software (TAO Connect, Inc.) is used in 120 college and university counseling centers and we’ve expanded into community mental health centers, employee assistance programs in the US and Australia, a Canadian Province, and two large provider groups. I am very proud to know that our software is helpful to ten times more people than I was able to treat with individual therapy. Recently, one of our university clinicians told me the story of a student whose anxiety disorder was so overwhelming that she had to leave school. She did not have insurance to cover any private therapist, so she worked with TAO’s online CBT for anxiety course. She was able to recover fully and returned to school, and had a great semester. She credited the TAO course with teaching mindfulness skills and learning to challenge her unhelpful thoughts.

As a field we need to explore, develop, research, and test digital and online tools, especially to populations at great risk. Too often mental health apps are developed by software engineers with little or no input from mental health practitioners. Our input is vital if effective tools are going to be developed consistent with what we know works. Practitioners in mental health need to be at the forefront of addressing these dire supply and demand problems and we need to lead in the development of effective tools. We can’t afford to concede our field to software engineers.
    

Trusting Her Voices: Trusting My Own

There was something different about this seven-year-old who at such a tender age had already lost her father. And if that adversity was not enough, Christine was struggling to fit in and keep up. Yet, there was something about this lost and lonely girl, some palpable sense I had of her resilience. After a psychoeducational evaluation, carefully chosen recommendations, and consultation with her mother, it would be 15 years before I next saw this girl. She was now a woman who was, perhaps not unsurprisingly, still struggling to fit in and keep up, this time with a far-less accepting college crowd and the rigors of an academic curriculum that was really of little interest to her.

I was immediately struck by how she was at the same time both young for her age and an old soul- isolated, enigmatic. In her “backpack of wonders,” as I silently called it, she had a number of amulets drawn from characters of popular culture; wore T-shirts advertising her fascination with or perhaps identification with popular teen icons, and soon revealed to me that she had learned to populate the empty rooms of her life with what she called her ‘All-Girls Group.’ “Voices in her head, damn!”, I thought to myself. Could I have so badly wanted to see that struggling child in the most benign light all those years ago, denying the possibility of early onset schizophrenia? A rising sense of panic muddled my thoughts. Critical, self-questioning voices.

What to do? Query her mother more deeply? Do a thorough psychological evaluation? Refer her immediately to a psychiatrist? Consider the possibility of hospitalization? These were the voices in my head, and while I did not ignore them, I addressed each of them, ruled out immediate danger, and opened myself to Christine’s inner world. In the process, I got to know Laura, a “real” young woman who chronicled her lifelong battle with cystic fibrosis in the book Breathing for a Living. I met Lisa, the take-no-prisoners character from Susanna Kaysen's Girl, Interrupted. And after being granted membership as the “only boy” in Christine’s exclusive private club, went to work with her, following her lead, suspending my voices, getting to know hers, and following her lead in trying to plot a therapeutic path for us and for her.

That phase of therapy ended abruptly following a surgical procedure for Christine and loss of the family dog, which I imagine were very destabilizing for her. I later found out that she had joined the Army. “Of all places to go… They will eat her alive.” When she arrived several years later to reconnect and reinitiate our work, I found out that Christine’s group had abandoned her to the military thinking it the wrong decision. But with some creative re-framing, she accepted the notion that her support team thought the Army would be an important test for her and that she had to go it alone.

And, as to be expected, Christine experienced considerable adversity during her short stay with Uncle Sam-a belligerent drill instructor, unaccepting platoon-mates, brutal physical rigors and loneliness Broken and alone, Christine hobbled back into her life and somehow her “girls” found her, flocked to her side, lifted her on their backs and marched her back to school…and life. Along the way, their numbers increased to include a few new select members, this time a few male figures- all strong, all supportive, all with stories of survival and resilience, just what she needed.

Christine finished her college degree, tried a few different jobs in the computer field, and as of this writing, was still searching for the very same things she was looking for when I first met her as a child. I see her whenever she calls, trust that she is never alone, and long since separated myself out from the voices in my head that did not trust the voices in hers. I don’t believe that Christine ever dis-trusted her voices – that was me, although I never showed it to her. I think I was only able to accept hers when I was finally able to subdue my own.
 

The One Thing a Therapist Should Never Say to a Client

As a graduate student I was given the old stand-by assignment: seek out an accomplished therapist and interview him or her. Since my overwhelming desire in life was to become a private practice therapist myself, I didn't envision this as just an assignment, but rather an exciting adventure. I was going to put my whole heart and soul into it.

Since I wanted to pick a person of note, I spoke to a cadre of folks in the field, including my esteemed professors, and decided on a therapist I’ll call Mindy. She seemed to be a real therapist's therapist. A large private practice? You bet. A superb reputation? Affirmative. A mental health conference presenter? Check. She even ran workshops around the globe in remote countries I had never heard of. This was going to be great.

Mindy’s administrative assistant was kind enough to set me up with the necessary appointment and it was off to the races. Her office was in the high-rent district in a city about 130 miles away from my hometown in St. Louis, but I knew the long drive was well worth it. As the elevator to her office sped from floor to floor, I glanced in the mirror to check my hair a couple times. Okay, maybe it was more like a dozen or more times, but keep in mind I wanted to come off as a serious future professional. Maybe we would be working together in the same practice one day. Yes indeed, I had high hopes.

Mindy was dressed in a muumuu that made her look like she might be playing a part opposite Elvis the classic Blue Hawaii.

I had imagined I might see a couch or a rosewood desk with spit-shined brass handles, but that was hardly the case. She motioned for me to have a seat while she sat down in an antique rocking chair.
We were separated by an unusually large sheet of paper like one might use in a lecture for a flip chart. But the paper was on the floor. Hmm, what was that about?

Before I could get my first question in which was something like "Did you know you wanted to become a therapist as a child?", she began firing questions at me.

I was way too timid at the time to ask this exalted expert what in the world was going on here, so I answered perhaps five or six questions. As I spoke, she would lean forward in her rocker and scribble something on the massive sheet of paper on the floor using a King Kong- sized marker.

Wait a moment. We weren't here to therapize me, or were we?

After just minutes, I tried to talk and she said, "Howard stop. I know exactly what your problem is."
Wait, I didn't know we were talking about my problems.

"I know you came here to interview me for your graduate class, but we need to deal with some much more important issues. You are just like me. You have severe anger problems and you are a quitter. Yes, a quitter. I am sorry to say you will never finish your master's degree. I'm going to set you up for a few sessions of individual as well as group psychotherapy. You still won't ever get your master's degree, but I can help you in other ways."

Had this merely been a bad dream we could have analyzed it, but it wasn't. I hadn't recalled saying anything even remotely related to anger and certainly nothing about giving up on graduate school. For gosh sakes, it was the number one thing in my life at the time.

Now fast forward to the present. I did an internet search and low and behold I discovered that Mindy never finished her degree. But wait. It gets even more interesting. Since she was attending a doctorate in psychology program where the master's was not conferred until you completed the doctorate, to this day she still possesses just a bachelor's degree in psychology. She was only allowed to practice back in the day when I saw here because licensing had not yet been enacted in our state.

So, what's the take home message? Well, I believe the behaviorist, hypnosis expert, and assertiveness training pioneer Andrew Salter (a famous therapist himself with just a bachelor's degree) nailed it when he gave the best definition I have ever heard of reaction formation: "You think you are looking out a window, but you are really looking in a mirror."

The worst thing a therapist can do? Well it is as simple as looking in a mirror while convincing yourself you are gazing out the window and making a pernicious statement about why the person sitting in front of the desk, or rocker will never be able to do something.

Oh, and by the way, Mindy, if you happen to be reading this blog and decide to email me to express your anger or discontent, just for the record, it's Dr. Rosenthal now.
 

The Modular View of the Mind

My earlier blog post suggested that the human organism contains multiple selves in the same way that your cell phone contains multiple apps. I now want to link that metaphor to an actual therapeutic model known as Internal Family Systems that I have found useful in my clinical practice and then discuss its application with one of my clients.

IFS is predicated on a modular theory of the human mind. The human mind consists of modules (apps on a cell phone), discrete mental models that interact with each other to produce our experience of aliveness. You might consider the idea that we have mental models of parenting, careerism, friendship, family, as well as more philosophical mental models such as the meaning of life or our role and purpose in the universe. These mental models operate within discrete modules that are activated depending on the circumstance the individual encounters. One’s behavior (the manifesting of the “self”) hinges on the module that takes precedence within the human mind at any moment. The full range of our inner life reflects the complex interplay of these modules which is neither haphazard nor random. They function interactively and synergistically as a system. That’s why the IFS model uses systems theory—how parts interact to create the whole—to underpin the way psychotherapy is done. Human distress is often productively seen as the breakdown of a system—namely, the breakdown in the way modules within the psyche interact.

IFS envisions a tripartite system. That system consists of the Manager, the Exiles, and the Firefighter. The Manager module is the most familiar, for it is that version of the self that tries to exert control. When we say to ourselves, hey, let’s keep it together, we are trying to activate the managerial self. When we present our best selves to the public, we are giving priority to the managerial self (the managerial self is a kind of public-relations self). The Manager is the module in the psyche that promotes order and combats chaos and disorder. The Manager module vigilantly stands guard against the Exile module which contains the unwanted aspects of ourselves (the pain, the shame, the trauma that accumulates over the course of a life). When the managerial module fails to quell the upsurge of the exiles sequestered in the exile module, the “self” behaves in maladaptive ways. We often call that falling apart, or having a meltdown, or losing our cool. Enter the Firefighter module. This module is allied with the Manager module since it, too, exists to keep the exiles sequestered within the human psyche. The firefighters are aroused into action when the managerial self finds itself unable to quell the upsurge of the exiles. You could look upon a person who resorts to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of trauma as one who has unleashed the firefighters upon the escaping exiles. The managerial self would prefer to shepherd the exiles (the pain of the trauma) back into the recesses of consciousness; but when it cannot do so, the firefighters spring into action, which is experienced as the irresistible urge to get high. Firefighters aren’t concerned with what’s optimal. Firefighters douse the fire.

It is the interplay of these three modules that inform an IFS practitioner. But I want to be clear that the IFS tripartite system isn’t the sum total of the modular view of the mind. Quite the contrary. It is the specific therapeutic application of it. The modular view of the mind is better understood as a philosophical model of the human organism, where the notion of the unitary “Self” is seen as an illusion. The upshot is that suffering arises from a disharmony among the various modules within the psyche, a kind of fragmentation of the mind. Mental and emotional health—equanimity, inner peace, self-command—reflects psychic integration. The healthy person is an integrated person (a person with integrity).

The therapeutic project of achieving integration is collaborative, non-pathologizing, and above all, ongoing. It was quite useful for me in working with Phil, a client struggling with alcohol abuse, who came to me because his estranged wife gave him an ultimatum—therapy or divorce. He said his wife thinks he needs “anger management lessons.” He admitted sometimes going “semi-postal” –a characterization that alarmed me but that he shrugged off as flippant—and wanted to “fix that, you know.” I didn’t “know,” which is why the first session explored Phil’s motivation with the hope that the Managerial-self could fully explain what “fix[ing] that” would look like. The second and third sessions brought to light the subtleties in his Managerial module. What sorts of perceived chaos was Phil seeking to avert? What kind of inner monologue preceded and followed an outburst? Why is his managerial self so ineffectual? The fourth session attempted an exploration of Phil’s exiles, but he disavowed having any (“I’ve never been abused.” “Seen bad things but not like I’ve been to war or anything like that.”). The fourth session; however, was far from a bust. He offhandedly admitted that whiskey with a dab of Coke help him “cool out.” He said he only goes “semi-postal” when he hasn’t had a drink in the last twenty-four hours.

“Ah, there’s his Firefighter module in action,” I thought.

Once we got beyond the Managerial module, things got interesting. Anger-management therapy transmogrified into substance-abuse counseling, which ultimately turned into something quite dramatic. That story, too involved for this blog, will be presented soon as a full-length article.

Stay tuned!

Jose Rey on Psychotropic Medications: A Primer for Psychotherapists

Lawrence Rubin:  I recently had the pleasure of attending your lecture on psychotropic drugs at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale where you are a pharmacologist and professor of pharmacy practice. I was impressed not only with your seeming encyclopedic knowledge, but also by your enthusiasm and understanding of the social, political, financial, and historical issues related to psychotropic drugs.

Therapists are not typically trained in the use of psychotropic medication beyond a graduate course or CE workshop or two, and even then, the training may be done by a representative of a pharmaceutical company. Beyond that, we may read articles in a journal or hear a story about these medications in the popular press, or learn from our clients what has worked and what hasn’t. At times we even hear horror stories about their misuse. With these things in mind, what would you say are some of the basic guidelines that therapists can follow when a client asks questions such as “should I consider medication for my anxiety, depression, or mood swings?” 

Give Psychotherapy a Chance

Jose Rey: That's an excellent question. I still would like to think that areas like mild to moderate anxiety and depression are very responsive to psychotherapy, and so that question would ideally come in the middle or late stages of treatment where frustration may have set in and therapeutic response is not occurring.
We should really give psychotherapy it's best chance to work first.
We should really give psychotherapy it's best chance to work first.

Medication might give us a little bit of a faster response, but it doesn’t seal the effect the way psychotherapy can. What I mean by seal the effect is that a drug doesn’t teach you anything. If you're taking a Xanax for anxiety and if you're so anxious and so distraught that you can't engage in therapy, well then by all means use something that helps you get into the room. But if you are only taking Xanax every day for your anxiety, for instance, then what have you learned about the cause of your anxiety? What have you learned about any coping mechanisms or other areas or ways to deal with the anxiety other than the behavior of popping a pill. I don’t like drugs alone, I prefer psychotherapy with medications.

Medications also are not curing anybody, they are tools. If you go with evidence-based medicine, you really don’t have a lot of great long-term information regarding the use of these medications. Yes, we know they can work in limited four to 12 week trials, but we really don’t always follow patients for 12 months or 24 months after treatment ends. And therefore, I think that using these agents up front to help a patient with more severe forms of anxiety or depression to engage in therapy is the best place for it, but you have to gauge the severity of the illness. Someone who is having the occasional anxiety attack should not be taking a Xanax or a Prozac every day. If you're having debilitating anxiety so that you can't engage in social or occupational activities, then you're already at a moderate to severe level in my book, and therefore the idea of pharmacotherapy seems attractive.

Our medications manage symptoms…but they don’t generally treat underlying issues.
I just don’t want to think of all of us as just bags of chemicals and that a new chemical like a Prozac, Xanax, Paxil or Buspar will somehow correct an underlying problem. Our medications manage symptoms. They do it very well, but they don’t generally treat underlying issues. Even if the underlying issue is biological like genetics, these drugs aren’t going to correct your genetics. You're always going to have that genetic aspect of the illness. They can only change the chemical availability of a neurotransmitter like serotonin, but even that wears off over time. And now we're back to where we started from.

Sometimes, these medications only work for a few months or a short period of time, and then your body finds a way to become tolerant to them. One of the smartest things I heard from a psychotherapist years and years ago about a person who was breaking through their antidepressants was, “if the brain wants to be depressed, it will find a way to be depressed.” And therefore, we can use multiple antidepressants with this individual, but they find a way to overcome them. And that does speak well to genetics and the other aspects of depression such as our view on the world and our expectations of the world. I don’t like to think that drugs can insert thoughts. Therefore, they can help our sleep or our level of anxiety but they won't teach us anything. 
LR: Just as a side note, does the research on the medication efficacy consider psychotherapy in the process?
JR: No, not at the point when you’re in phase one through three or in premarketing stages of drug development. It is extremely odd to see a drug go head to head with therapy. Historically speaking, for mild to moderate depression, psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy did very well. You only might see a separation for pharmacotherapy doing a little bit better than psychotherapy in the most severe cases. But in one of our best antidepressant trials, the STAR*D trial which was published more than 15 years ago, everybody had been given Citalopram, the drug Celexa. If they had done poorly on Celexa then they were then randomized to receive other treatments to see if they failed on one drug would they have a preferential response to the next drug. And in that case, they went from Celexa to Zoloft, Celexa to Wellbutrin, Celexa to Effexor, and there was a fourth arm, Celexa to cognitive therapy. And in all four of those arms, they had the same outcome, about 25 percent of the patients.
LR: Even with the cognitive therapy?
JR: Cognitive therapy did as well as any of those three antidepressants in achieving remission. And it was just fantastic to see that because we could argue that they had already failed Celexa, and even though they now met criteria for adding an antipsychotic,
cognitive therapy did as well as any of our medications.
cognitive therapy did as well as any of our medications.

Guiding the Prescriber

LR: Are you saying that because research suggests that a combination of medication and psychotherapy is a powerful tool, we must also consider where the person is in the trajectory of their symptomatology? So much so that medication may be useful upfront if they come in with severe symptomatology, and then we can back off a little bit and focus on the psychotherapy more. And there may be a need to revisit the medication at different points, depending on the severity, almost inserted as needed for a trial or period of time?
JR: I like that. That's a more concise way of saying what I was alluding to especially, when it comes to those periods where there might be more stress. Again, we're back to something like benzodiazepines like valium or Xanax. They're great on an as-needed basis, i.e. I need the effect to happen in 20 minutes or I need it to happen in 30 minutes,
but I don’t want the individual to take the medication every day in an almost avoidance behavior and not engage with that anxiety.
but I don’t want the individual to take the medication every day in an almost avoidance behavior and not engage with that anxiety. I prefer that benzodiazepines, for instance, be used only sparingly on a PRN bases and not on a regular daily basis.
LR: Perhaps the therapist can help the client develop a healthy relationship with medication and find a way to use the medication sparingly, but more intensely when necessary. Is the psychotherapist’s role in that venue right there, to help the client discuss their relationship with the medication, or is that more the province of the prescriber?
JR: That's a very good way to look at it or to ask that particular question, because I would like to think that the physicians would have that conversation with their patients.
LR: You would hope.
JR: But I don’t think they do. Most physicians these days are not engaging in any form of psychotherapy beyond 10, 15 minutes a session. Hopefully they are preparing the patient for medications, maybe what to expect including side effects and positive and/or negative types of outcomes. But they are probably not addressing these questions of how long will we be using this medication, when will we be using this medication, what does this medication represent? It should represent a tool and something to assist in the treatment outcome. But if you say a drug is all you need, then you're saying your problem is almost all biological. And let’s face it, it's not that.
LR: How can we best collaborate with the medical prescriber in the real world of clinical practice? 
JR: Some psychologists or some therapists may overstep the boundary and say, “I recommend we use this particular drug.” And the prescriber will almost immediately say, “you didn't go to medical school,” or “you didn't do this, and that sort of thing.” I wouldn’t approach it like that. I would approach it as “there are some aspects of our therapy sessions that make me think that along with the trauma that they may have gone through or the family issues that may be going on, they have some symptoms that might be very responsive to pharmacotherapy.”

The therapist can be recommending pharmacotherapy without a specific drug. But I think if the therapist could give [the prescriber] a list of the target symptoms, then that should guide their prescribing. Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that we're managing symptoms most of the time anyway. We could say for example that the patient is having this specific type of insomnia which is dominated by anxiety. The prescriber is then given a better assessment of the patient’s symptoms because it's hard for them to pick up on all the symptoms with a five or ten minute interaction with the patient.

There are primary and secondary selection criteria for a drug such as a psychotropic, and one of our primary selection criteria should be matching the patient’s clinical presentations to the other aspects of the drug, maybe its side effect profile. If the person is having insomnia, I might pick a sedating antidepressant. I have 30 antidepressants to choose from so why not pick a sedating antidepressant with a side effect that can have a therapeutic benefit to the patient. And therefore, instead of waiting four, six, or eight weeks for an antidepressant to kick in – when I match the side effects like sedation to an insomnia symptom of the patient, then that patient can sleep better today and tomorrow and they don’t have to wait a month to start sleeping better. When that therapist can give me the target symptoms that the patient is experiencing, that should guide the choice of the antidepressant. 

Speaking Their Language

LR: Many therapists may not work with prescribers or know how to find their way to prescribers other than through word of mouth. Can you offer a few tips for psychotherapists to help their patients find prescribers and what a therapist could recommend that their patient should look for in a prescriber? 
JR: It depends on the age of the patient. As I review the medical literature, I remember geriatrics. I know a good prescriber is someone who will stop a medication before they start a new one. Many of our patients have had multiple prescribers and have accumulated medications or accumulated disease states.
LR: Interesting. But how open will a prescriber be to a therapist who needs to know this information?
JR: That's hard to find. I won't say it's a unicorn, but it's a pretty rare situation. Of course, your patients are going to have to look at their insurance list.

Many of our physicians are specialized and they're very good at what they do, but I get worried about general practitioners, family practitioners and internists prescribing psychotropic medications because they weren’t specifically trained in that area. And unfortunately, but maybe fortunately depending on which insurance company you're talking to, they are the gatekeepers. A majority of our psychotropic medications are prescribed by non-psychiatrists and non-neurologists. They're prescribed by general practitioners and that is the system that we've developed.
LR: It sounds like psychotherapists really have to do their homework not only on prescribers but on what makes for good prescription practice. Elderly patients don’t clear medications quickly and there is potential for buildup and bad medication synergy.
JR: It is a very difficult situation when a patient is experiencing a problem due to accumulation and approaching levels of drug toxicity. It may be a non-psych drug, maybe a medical medication that they're not clearing either, but their presenting symptoms might look like depression or anxiety.
LR: You make it sound like psychotherapists really need to be savvy about medications, complications, side effects, medical illnesses, and the medications which may lead to pseudo- psychiatric symptoms. Therapists don't have the luxury of not being informed.
JR: If they're not going to become experts at pharmacotherapy, then at least maybe some psychotherapists could learn more medical terminology. If you're going to have a meaningful conversation with a prescriber, then use the same terminology that they're going to use. You can go online and take a course on medical terminology. At least when you're having conversations with those prescribers, you're better informed on the language.
LR: Not that we're trying to curry favor with prescribers, but at least if we're attempting to speak their language, and they're of course attempting to speak ours, then there's a better collaborative effort for the patient.
JR: Even courses in basic anatomy and physiology.
Let the therapist take it upon themselves to learn something about the medical world, as the medical world needs to take it upon themselves to learn more about the psychotherapeutic world.
Let the therapist take it upon themselves to learn something about the medical world, as the medical world needs to take it upon themselves to learn more about the psychotherapeutic world.

A Place for Medications

LR: In your workshop, you said something about targeting diseases versus targeting symptoms. And now it makes more sense to me because if I'm hearing you correctly, depression has a trajectory. It may be time-limited, it may not be. It may be exacerbated and will have peaks and valleys. But if a particular depressed patient is experiencing significant insomnia at point A, then the prescription of a psychotropic that also assists with sleep might take a chunk out of the depression.
JR: Exactly.
LR: Or if their behavior is interfering with their appetite, a certain other antidepressant may stimulate the appetite.
JR: Stimulate the appetite or reduce the appetite.
LR: It's looking at the disease as having its own life in a sense, and how can we help the person by optimizing their functioning even when they're depressed or anxious. 
JR: Exactly.
LR: Even with someone in the throes of bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, we can help the prescriber by feeding them information about targeted symptoms and then work collaboratively to optimize the person’s functioning, even though, for example, it may not change their cognition or impact their executive functioning.
JR: Sure, especially with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and other severe forms of mental illness, where it's an issue of whether the medications are managing symptoms. But we're back to an individual suffering from schizophrenia or having to deal with those issues, and they may not even be able to engage in therapy or even educational or occupational interventions until their level of paranoia or hostility or insomnia has been addressed. And so these medications manage symptoms so that the person can then achieve a level of functioning that will allow them to engage in other activities.
LR: Are there some psychiatric or behavioral conditions where you’ll want to refer for a medical evaluation right from the start? I mean someone who is blatantly psychotic is not going to come to see you. You may find your way to them in an emergency room but you're not going to see them on an outpatient basis.
JR: That's a great example. Let me give you a hypothetical, but a very common case. Let’s say that we are dealing with therapy and the therapist is doing everything right. Their therapeutic relationship has been established and the patient is coming to see them. They're doing the work, they seem to be engaged in therapy, but they are not fully responding.
LR: Improving, but not optimal.
JR:  Exactly. Now let’s say that despite the therapy, the patient is still very anergic, they're sleeping a lot, have no energy and a lot of fatigue. This therapist might actually be obligated to refer the patient for a medical workup because all the therapy in the world won't reverse hypothyroidism. It's a relatively common medical condition where the first presenting symptom is depression, but not including negative cognitive thought, just the physical manifestations.

When therapists are feeling that they’ve hit a wall, that therapy is no longer benefiting the patient or you're doing everything right and nothing is improving, well then yes let’s refer. Let’s work out anemia. Let’s work out hormonal dysfunction, whether it's hypothyroidism or low testosterone or estrogen occurrences. Maybe we're getting the person in the very beginnings of a perimenopausal state and hormones are changing but the person is feeling anxious. They don’t recognize anxiety as anxiety. They recognize sweating, palpitations and hot flashes. This is a great area where the therapist should say the target symptoms could be medical conditions. I think it does behoove a therapist to have more than a passing acquaintance with medical conditions that could present with symptoms of depression and anxiety. 
LR: We need to pay attention to those subsections in the DSM that talk about medical conditions because those should be on our checklists.
JR: Absolutely.
LR: In the DSM-IV there were the decisions trees and the first two categories were medical conditions and substance abuse. Are you saying that we should be very cognizant about some of those medical conditions that are likely to have psychiatric sequelae?
JR: Absolutely.
In an ideal world, every patient who is getting therapy should probably be medically cleared.
In an ideal world, every patient who is getting therapy should probably be medically cleared.  If they're not being seen on a regular basis by a physician then yes, I would love for things like hypothyroidism to be ruled out early so we don’t waste a lot of time engaging in certain activities when all they needed was some Synthroid or hormonal replacement.
LR: A testosterone shot!
JR: I had a case presented to me just a couple of weeks ago where this person was dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety. They also suffered from migraine headaches but sleep apnea was an issue. And really one of the roles of the therapist is to help the patient recognize their conditions that need to be addressed, and even use something as simple as motivational interviewing to get them to use a CPAP machines or to more be adherent to their medications. If we can address these medical conditions, their secondary depressive and anxious symptoms will be addressed as well. If you have sleep apnea and you're not sleeping well, you're fatigued during the day. You're not concentrating during the daytime. You're checking off a list of DSM criteria for depression but you may have sleep apnea.
LR: You said something which hit me paradoxically, that perhaps one facet of psychotherapy, from a motivational interviewing perspective, is that it can help the person develop a healthier relationship with all of their medications. I can see that being a challenge. If the clinician is not generally supportive of medication but is open to its utility on a limited basis, then they can use their therapeutic skills to help the person use the medication more optimally. It would be analogous to helping a client who was resistant to using cancer drugs or thyroid drugs.
JR: Absolutely.
Every time we take a pill, no matter what the condition is, we are at least briefly reminded of why we have to take that pill.
Every time we take a pill, no matter what the condition is, we are at least briefly reminded of why we have to take that pill. And sometimes the patient doesn’t want to be reminded that they have a medical condition.
LR: Or a psychiatric one.
JR: Exactly. Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, every day you take that pill, that Lithium or that Prozac or that Risperdal or that Haldol, and you're reminded of the problem. That is actually a barrier to adherence. If you don’t want to be reminded of your conditions every day, a good way to avoid it is to simply not take your medications.

Everything Old is New Again

LR: What do you think is important for practicing therapists to know about the rapidly changing field of psychopharmacology? For example, SSRIs were once seen as the great hope but there has been some recent research suggesting the addictive potential of SSRIs.
JR: Well, I think every therapist should engage in whatever continuing education that they can to try to stay on top of it. Our current and future therapies are still not offering cures, they are managing symptoms. If the patient stops taking these medications we see high relapse rates. We have not discovered a cure coming down the pike. Everybody wants the magic pill. And this is where I think a lot of our patients might engage in illicit drug use or using prescription drugs from somebody else off-label and without a proper indication. Everybody is looking for that but it's not going to happen for us anytime soon.

We are expanding the pharmacology so that the newer drugs that are coming in the pipeline are going to be working a little bit differently from our current medications. That makes for interesting and hopeful expectations regarding their efficacy, but they're not going to be changing the landscape in any significant way. You had mentioned SSRI’s, which were never shown to be superior to our older tricyclics or monoamine oxidase inhibitors. They were safer but not superior in efficacy. The newer SNRI’s [selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors] or our other antidepressants that have come out in the last few years are still working on serotonin and norepinephrine. We might be coming out with different medications, but we're still locked into a very simplified view of the problem.

That's what I love about psychiatry and depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, no two patients are alike. We are different genetically and experientially; everything that makes us who we are makes us different. And therefore,
we can't just apply one drug to treat all problems.
we can't just apply one drug to treat all problems. We reach this wall where two out of three people get better meaning that a lot of our patients are still partial responders or resistant. And that is the research ground for our newer medications; trying to treat SSRI partial responders, the patients taking Prozac or Paxil who have gotten better but haves not achieved remission. Or our threshold can change for adding an antipsychotic to the patient’s medication list like Rexulti that you see advertised on TV. As an adjunct to an SSRI or SNRI partial responder, we can ideally achieve a greater level of symptom reduction.

It's interesting that if we were having this conversation in the ‘70s, and ‘80s, and ’90s, we wouldn’t have added antipsychotics. One of my favorite antidepressants is a drug called Amoxapine. It is kind of in the tricyclic group although it's a tetracyclic and it's a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. It has some serotonin receptor antagonism as well. But one thing that everybody remembers about Amoxapine was that it was the antidepressant with EPS (extrapyramidal symptoms). It had a little bit of dopamine blockade because it was derived from an antipsychotic. And we said, “oh no,” I don’t want to use Amoxapine because it might cause EPS.” And now our threshold for that has changed because all of our drugs that are FDA approved for resistant or refractory depression have the ability to cause extrapyramidal symptoms because they all belong to the atypical antipsychotic class. 
LR: Back where we were.
JR: I think it's just very interesting that even some of our older drugs had the qualities then, and we found a way not to like them. And now 20, 30 years later, we're back to combining then in treatment for depression.

Enhancing Normal


LR: Everything old is new again.

Changing direction for a moment, could you share your thoughts on cosmetic psychopharmacology which some of our audience may not be that familiar with?
 
JR: Okay, now that's a bit of a soapbox for me. Cosmetic psychopharmacology as I define it and how it has been defined by others in other cases like cosmetic neurology or neuropharmacology, is using medications to enhance normal. Let’s not talk about pathology and medications that were created to either treat it or prevent it, but now let’s take whatever definition you want for normal and enhance that. We've been using cosmetic pharmacology for a great number of years. We used amphetamines in World War I and World War II allowing a soldier or pilot to stay awake longer than normal. The soldier or the pilot did not have pathology, but we gave them amphetamines. And we still do this today, by the way.
LR: Students?
JR: Students are a great example of using the Adderalls and the Ritalins. We all drink coffee when we, study which is cosmetic pharmacology. I have a problem with the excessive use of cosmetic pharmacology in certain areas. I worry about teenagers in high school and about the college students using Adderall and Ritalin; thinking and believing, an urban myth by the way, that it will enhance their grades or their test performance. That has not been proven because every medication becomes the means of getting a better grade and then they believe that “this gives me a better grade so I will take it for this test. But I need to make a good grade in this class, so every test matters. I need to make a very good grade in all of my classes, so every class matters.”

Every test including the MCATs, PCATs or some GRE becomes a high stakes exam. And now what we thought might have been occasional one time, as-needed medication use becomes weekly, if not daily, use of these medications over the course of high school, undergraduate, and graduate school. Some of our children and young adults might be taking these medications for a period of at least eight to twelve years. And I don't know what's going to happen to their brain because your brain isn't done cooking until you're about 25-years-old, so there is still neuro-development going on.
And I think it's interesting how some individuals have rationalized the use of stimulants for brain enhancement
And I think it's interesting how some individuals have rationalized the use of stimulants for brain enhancement for lack of a better word. Now, every time a professional athlete trying to make money, trying to win an award, using maybe some steroids or using some oxygen enhancement drug is getting an asterisk put on their names.

If you have the most home runs and you did an anabolic steroid designed to enhance muscle performance whether it's strength or conditioning, why is it that we have somehow criminalized the use of steroids for muscle performance, but we are not criminalizing the use of the stimulants for brain performance? 

Medicating Children

LR: When you have a kid graduating high school with a 6.2 GPA who has been on stimulants since they were six, perhaps their diplomas should have an asterisk.

Since we’re on this topic, I would like to talk about psychopharmacology for children. I was speaking the other day with psychiatrist Allen Frances who chaired the DSM-IV task force and who later criticized the DSM-5 particularly for its invention of the diagnosis of disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, or childhood bipolar disorder. He believes that this diagnosis justified the use of powerful medication for children for what amounted to tantrums. And then you have parents and teachers pushing for medications for young children for conditions like ADHD. 
JR: I worry that sometimes we're requesting medication for symptoms that could be easily managed behaviorally or through psychotherapy. I worry about the snowball effect in child psychopharmacology. I will refer to the typical ADHD child as Timmy. Little Timmy has developed or has demonstrated some symptoms of ADD or ADHD and someone prescribes Adderall or Ritalin or some other stimulant. Now Timmy is highly activated because those symptoms may not have been true symptoms of ADD or ADHD. Add to that that our teachers have a fairly low threshold and they want a perfect classroom. You can't deviate from the norm very often in a large classroom setting. Timmy is now looking highly agitated, revved up, a little manic and now we're having to give him something at night to help him sleep or to bring him down. I use the term that we're “speedballing” little Timmy or he won't eat and won't sleep.

And now the drug that we give him to help bring him down brings him too far down and now someone entertains the idea of depression. Little Timmy is now getting an antidepressant along with a stimulant and some kind of medication that would reduce the neurotransmitters, these newer agents like Guanfacine, Clonidine or an atypical antipsychotic also approved for children with bipolar disorders. Our prescribers can rationalize that they're approved for use in these children. Follow me here! You’ve started with a stimulant, you end it possibly with an antipsychotic or neurotransmitter decreasing agent which looks like a downer. The downer results in someone saying depression and now we're back to an antidepressant. Timmy is now on three drugs, but drug number two and three could have only been in response to the side effects generated by drug number one which may not have been necessary. Our threshold for using, what I think are powerful medications in 5, and 6 and 7-year-olds is both impressive and sad at the same time. We really aren’t wanting to invest as much time in the therapy and the behavioral modification options. It takes work.
Our threshold for using…powerful medications in 5, and 6 and 7-year-olds is both impressive and sad at the same time.
LR: The implication for the child therapists is that they really have to be very aware of what medications the child is on.
JR: Absolutely. And the side effects that those drugs cause might look like other therapeutic issues to be addressed.

Psychotropic Drug Dependence

LR: And help coach parents to ask better questions to the prescriber or help them not to over-rely on the pediatrician for a prescription of psychotropic medication even though it's easily done.

In a similar vein, psychotherapists often work with patients who have substance abuse problems and are typically trained to recognize not only the physical signs but also the psychological, social and behavioral symptoms. Can you think of a checklist of symptoms and/or signs a psychotherapist might consider for a patient whom she thinks is having a problem managing their psychotropic medications? 
JR: Oh, that's a very good question. Well, it depends on the psychotropic medication. For argument’s sake, let’s say a person has been prescribed Xanax and told to take it only as needed in more extreme situations of stress and anxiety. If they are refilling their prescription every 30 days as if they are using it and consuming it on a regular basis, then this sends a message to the therapist, as it should to the prescriber, that this person is having anxiety every day to the point to where either they are taking their medications even when they don’t need it to avoid anxiety, or their level of response is not where we want it to be, or physical dependence has set in.
Physical dependence on a drug like Xanax probably sets in as early or earlier than even addiction.
Physical dependence on a drug like Xanax probably sets in as early or earlier than even addiction. The reason why that is – and this is why I think benzodiazepines can be a trap for a lot of our patients, is that if I give you a benzodiazepine like a Xanax or an Ativan or a Valium for longer than two to four weeks, then when you don’t take the medication, the first symptoms that occur are anxiety and insomnia which are the very reasons why they were prescribed in the first place. Their continued use is reinforced and if this person is now having to take their medications on a regular basis and that was never the treatment plan, then you're looking at the signs of at least physical dependence.

Here’s an example. Grandma might have lost Grandpa 15 years ago. It was unfortunate and it was sad and she was having grief and couldn’t sleep. They gave her some medication for sleep or they gave her some medication for anxiety during the day. And 15 years later, she’s still taking that medication, way beyond the grief reaction time frame. Someone says to Grandma: “you know what I think, it's time that you stop taking the Halcion or the Valium or the Xanax.” First, she has a regular anxious reaction but then says, “you know what, you're a healthcare professional”, or “my daughter said something, so I will stop taking that medication as you recommend.”

That first night is the worst night of her life. It is insomnia and anxiety and it sends the message to Grandma that “I still need the medication. I've got the same problem I had 15 years ago.” Physical dependence sets in nicely with some of these controlled substances that we have.

If a person is demonstrating an avoidance behavior to stopping their medication, then they're avoiding withdrawal symptoms. Now if they are drug seeking and more overt and they’re taking more than prescribed, I think those symptoms are a little bit easier to see for individuals trained in substance abuse and addiction. It's the avoidance of withdrawal symptoms that look like the psychopathology for which we started the medications in the first place. That's why Grandma gets in trouble. That's why she’s still taking Ambien 10 or 20 years later or Xanax that much later.

LR: It goes back to this idea that as psychotherapists who work in the province of the mind in this age of medication and era of the brain, we have to be so much more aware of the relationship between the behavioral, cognitive and emotional changes in our patients and the possibility of their drug using behavior, whether licit or illicit. 

Health Literacy

LR: In 1997, the FDA lessened restrictions on advertising pharmaceuticals including psychotropics directly to the public. One of the results has been that people make specific medication requests to their physicians. What are your thoughts on DTC (direct to consumer) advertising?
JR:
direct to consumer advertising…told them they were not alone.
At first blush, I don’t like it. Okay, let me qualify that. The appropriate answer is that direct to consumer advertising when it was approved did one good thing to a lot of our patients which was that it told them that they were not alone. A lot of individuals are in their psychopathology-depression and anxiety, and they might think they're the only ones who feel that way and that no one understands them. They might even be fearful of seeking out treatment. Direct to consumer advertising usually casts a wide net of symptoms such as anxiety, depression or mania so the individual says: “wow, it looks like there are other people out there with this problem.”
LR: It provides them with a sense of community.
JR: Right. It might reduce their reluctance to seek out treatment, which is good. However, telling you a very specific drug is the drug for you is not a good way to go. These newer drugs that are in direct to consumer advertising are sitting in the sample closet of every prescriber and the prescribers may be thinking, “I don’t want the patient to spend a lot of money.” They give their patient a sample box with a seven, ten, twelve or thirty-day supply for free.

If that drug works then great. However, that drug might cost $100 or $200 per month. And who’s going to pay for it? If that patient doesn’t have the financial resources or the insurance, then why did we just pick an expensive drug that they can't use beyond seven or fourteen days? Now we have to go to our generically available medications that aren’t advertised. For this reason, I don’t like direct to consumer advertising about a specific drug. I prefer for patients to tell me about a disease state and not mention the name of the drug. That's the better advertising. 
LR: It sounds like therapists almost have a moral obligation to engage their clients in conversations about psychotropics and advertising and to help them be the smart consumers of media. And to be diligent in their choosing of prescribers. In other words, helping psychotherapy clients beef up their courage to ask the hard questions, otherwise they're just going to be victimized by marketing, medicine and medication.
JR: Health literacy goes beyond learning about your own disease state and your disease state’s management. I think it goes into this area of being informed consumers, asking the right questions to the prescriber. And therapists can help their patients become health literate by referring them to the right resource, or at least helping them ask those questions. Now, granted, what have we asked for our therapists to do in the last hour? We've asked them to be well- informed through continuing education regarding pharmacotherapy, prescribing, laboratories and basic medical terminologies. We want that for their patients as well.
I really wish more of my patients would take responsibility for their disease state and its management.
I really wish more of my patients would take responsibility for their disease state and its management. The patient really is the center and one thing that we don’t do as often as we probably should is let the patient be part of the decision-making process. Not just a recipient but an active member of the treatment team. Because all our efforts will be for nothing if they don’t do their part of the treatment plan.

Wrapping Up

LR: As we wind down, can you offer advice for the psychotherapist just starting out who is not particularly cognizant or even desirous of learning about medications, or is maybe even anti- medication?
JR: Well, given that we should ideally all belong to some interprofessional collaborative practice, I think that a psychotherapist really needs to do their very best at keeping up to speed, going to educational programming, continuing psychopharmacology education, and learning medical terminology so that they can have meaningful conversations with other practitioners. When they are referring a patient who is seemingly resistant to psychotherapy and the depressive symptoms are continuing, they could say this might be hypothyroidism. At least then we can do the thyroid function test, at least we can do iron levels, at least we can do a complete blood cell count, to make sure that the patient doesn’t have a certain anemia.
LR: So not only build a lexicon but nurture their relationship with the field of medicine.
JR: Yes.
LR: I can almost ferret from what you're saying, there there’s a the need to include mandatory biennial psychopharmacology continuing education for licensed clinicians. In Florida we have mandatory CEs for ethics, domestic violence, and medical errors, so why not chew off an hour of that and make it mandatory training around psychotropics?
JR: Given our world of psychotherapy, I think that would be prudent-absolutely.

In Praise of the Life of a Psychotherapist

“Clients often ask me how I can stand listening to them drone, whine or complain.” Just yesterday someone said, “I’ll bet you need a stiff drink after listening to this stuff all day”. I can safely say after nearly 25 years in practice that I have never had this day that they seem to imagine—a long, tedious day of listening to self-pity and self-absorption. Particularly lately, what I feel is mostly gratitude. Somehow, I get to do this: come to work to listen to the stories of the intimate lives of others, to know and to love the hard-fought struggles of their lives, and to share and assist in their journeys toward healing, growth, and transformation. And what I have been thinking about a lot lately is how those journeys have in turn shaped my own journey in myriad positive ways. I know I am far from alone in my experience, and that my grateful thoughts could not begin to be comprehensive, but I think it is useful for us as psychotherapists in what is often a beleaguered world to remind ourselves of the many personal and psychological benefits of our chosen path, such as emotional maturity, unlimited opportunity for continuing education, learning about love, practicing mindfulness and self-awareness, accepting failure, and fostering resilience.

Emotional Maturity

For me, much of this feeling of gratitude is a happy by-product of maturity. When I was younger, I was so afraid of not being enough, or of doing something wrong, or of not being liked, that it was harder for me to stay focused on the great gift of being able to do this kind of work. As I have aged and grown in confidence, the energy I used to expend fussing about my own probable inadequacy no longer draws as much from my other resources. I am able much more easily to make myself fully available to another without such a weighty anchor of self-doubt and self-consciousness. Another reason for gratitude: I managed to find myself in one of the few fields of work where a few gray hairs and wrinkles, and the maturity that hopefully comes with them, is a benefit.

In turn, maturity seems also to be a by-product of the work. I have often thought that one of the reasons therapists are so often drawn to various forms of meditation is that mindfulness is an intrinsic aspect of the work of psychotherapy. Years of practice in itself create a habit of focused attention that is a growth-promoting emotional self-discipline. There is self-surrender in entering a session that I have come to welcome wholeheartedly. It is not as though I have ever completely and perfectly stayed attuned and present for every moment, but like mindfulness meditation, I and all of us who do this wander in our minds, draw ourselves back, wonder about the wandering—and return. Unless the stress of my own personal day is truly overwhelming, “listening to others helps me to move into a mindful space and draws me out of myself”. The constant practice of moving into this mode of being no matter how tired or irritated or stressed or sad I may be is a daily workout that leaves me stronger, more flexible, and more resilient in all aspects of my life.

Unlimited Continuing Education

Learning as a psychotherapist is a lifelong project. In seeking ways to help clients, I read and consult and attend workshops and, in the process, learn about myself and understand myself and them better. Often when a client is exploring an issue or attempting to create change it challenges me—because I want to feel my own integrity with them—to push to grow equally. I cannot suggest assertiveness without finding it within myself, ask clients to trust their own authority without trusting mine, or ask clients to challenge their own fears and avoidances without challenging my own. So many of my clients are or are learning to be brave, loving, compassionate, and skilled, among many other gifts, and I am grateful for the opportunity to share in and learn from their growth.

To give a recent example, I have been working with a woman who has been trying to cope with a serious illness, recent job loss, and a disintegrating marriage to a husband who is psychologically unravelling and will likely end up in prison, all while trying to keep life stable and sane for two small children. In the last few weeks, her home went into foreclosure and she had to get a restraining order against her husband. She came into a recent session not surprisingly sad and overwhelmed, but in the context of our conversation mentioned that she had gotten a journal so she could keep a daily record of all the things she is grateful for. She is worried with all that is happening in her life that her perception will become distorted if she doesn’t make an active effort to recall what is good and positive. Having never faced the kind of comprehensive disaster she is now confronting, I truly don’t know how well I would marshal my psychological and spiritual resources to meet it, but I know her example has added to whatever resources I will bring to bear to cope with whatever inevitable hurts arrive in my life. I hope I will be able to remember that in the face of enormous losses and challenges, it was clear to her that she needed to focus on successes, however small, on moments of beauty, and gestures of kindness and generosity. I am grateful that in a context where I am supposed to be the guide, I am also so often guided.

Love

As therapists, we are rightfully cautious about how we think about love in our work, but “I have come to feel that love is inevitably a part of any authentic caring relationship”, and therefore an inevitable part of most therapy. Love of course is a big word and can be used to describe a lot of different relationships, from one we have with chocolate to one we have with a lifetime companion. I mean the non-possessive, boundaried love that is often created within the unique intimacy of the therapy relationship.

Recently I participated in an exercise in meditation class that I believe is relatively common but was completely new and unexpected to me. We class members were led, eyes closed, to sit in two rows of chairs facing each other. When we opened our eyes, we were asked to look into the eyes of the person across from us with all the love and understanding in our hearts and to imagine that this face across from us was the face of the divine here on earth. I gazed into the beautiful brown eyes of the middle-aged man across from me, a total stranger recently arrived in the US from India, and saw myself reflected in them. Both of us teared up as we grasped each other’s sweaty hands. We were totally unknown to each other, but for those moments, intensely close. It was far from a perfectly transcendent moment—it is uncomfortable to stare at length into the eyes of a stranger, and I found myself worrying about the unattractiveness of my blotchy, tearstained face, or if he wanted me to let go of the hand I was inexplicably clutching like a lifeline—but I was powerfully moved, and shocked by my sense of recognition and awe. We were asked to close our eyes again and shifted our seats before opening our eyes to another, a different stranger, to whom we were to open our hearts in love and share that deep, long and reciprocal gaze. The message was a yogic one, about the divine that dwells in all of us if we choose to see it, but it also made me think about love in therapy, and how this exercise resembles in many ways what we do in our offices day and in and day out.

We ask another person to open themselves up, to sustain our gaze, and to trust that we will see them as gently and with as much acceptance as we can. When we add compassion, empathy, understanding, patience, respect—all the things we strive for in our stance as professionals—we also, at some level, will feel love. And I find that this makes me, on good days, look at the world and myself more gently, with more forgiveness. This is a lesson I want to learn, again and again—more so now, in a world that seems increasingly focused on hate and division.

Speaking about a therapist’s experience of love creates a lot of anxiety—I am a little anxious trying to write about it, knowing as I do the chorus of objections and concerns that arise about boundary violations or crossings if the love we experience is not managed safely or professionally. I have seen from the front row how love in a therapy relationship can be abused—I have clients who have had sex with prior therapists, been subject to other sorts of boundary crossings (too much information about the therapist’s personal life, coffee at Starbucks, stock tips, or non-standard payment arrangements to name a few), or have been bullied into behavioral changes that support the therapist’s ego and self-esteem rather than the client’s goals—and I am well aware the effects of even the smallest of these boundary violations are devastating to clients. Because love is such a charged and complicated word, I do not use it with clients, but not saying it does not mean I don’t feel it or have the need to make sense of the experience of it clinically, personally, and spiritually. And I believe that the non-possessive, boundaried intimacy of therapy relationships has taught me much about love, and I am a better human for practicing loving others in this way.

Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

For most of us, the most comfortable and familiar way to think about love or any other emotional experience centered on the dynamic relationship between therapist and client is as a transference/countertransference phenomenon. That involves a certain exercise in mindfulness, a capacity to be open and aware of one’s own experience and to think about and feel how that experience is a communication from and about the client—often a disowned or unmet need—and consider how to use that information in a healing, compassionate way. It is also an exercise in self-awareness, because our slates are not blank, and we have our own unruly psyches to manage. The experience of love (or hate, or any other emotion), however it is manifested, becomes an opportunity to feel without acting, to explore different narrative possibilities and feel them out for their truth and consistency or self-delusion and wishfulness, just to name a few possibilities. There is no real way to be fully engaged without feeling, but as therapists we learn to watch the feeling as we feel it. This capacity for mindful self-awareness is perhaps the Rosetta Stone of positive emotional functioning, the skill we try to teach our clients in every session, and the skill that determines our success in helping them heal. It has also, of course, made me happier and more effective in all my relationships.

Accepting Failure and Protecting Resilience

It is unpleasant to fail, and I don’t enjoy it, but my work as a therapist has given me a ton of practice, and I have learned to accept failures more gracefully, with less unproductive self-criticism and more and more balanced self-examination. I have gotten it wrong more times and in more ways than I can possibly count. Every day, every session. Today, eager to make my own point, I dragged a client who was really hurting onto a small tangent because of a thought that was interesting to me, but not at all his direction or focus. I stumbled back to really listening to him, but the diversion created a small but avoidable need for repair and re-attunement. And that was a good session, on a good day! “But constant practice helps me to keep my balance, not get overly focused on mistakes, and move on to attend to things that are really important.”

Often as therapists we focus on issues of burnout or secondary trauma, and certainly these issues are real, especially in settings where therapists have limited control or access to support. I am inclined to believe that much of the possible psychic damage is not about the actual work we do, but the environment we do it in. If we see too many patients, fail to maintain reasonable boundaries, do not have adequate opportunities for supervision or consultation, try to meet unreasonable expectations or fail to care for ourselves psychologically outside of sessions, we will suffer in our work—both in our ability to do it well and in our own psyches. Without these boundaries, we cannot foster and protect our own resilience. But in the presence of control and support, we sometimes forget to emphasize in much of our dialogue about life as a psychotherapist how very fortunate we are as therapists to be able to engage in work that is entirely about finding meaning and healing through relationship.

In Conclusion

I also feel a little bit of guilt about my good fortune. I am spoiled. People are hurt at all levels of society, but I am not in the trenches, and I deal less than many with the horribly complicating factors of socioeconomic stress. And those other huge structural issues—such as racism, sexism, and homophobia—are somewhat blunted for my largely educated and economically stable clients. I have a group practice with colleagues I love and respect, and whose intellectual and clinical growth has interwoven with mine for over almost 20 years. “It would be churlish not to be grateful for such fertile soil in which to grow.”

We are all aware of the downsides of our vocation: the pay is not great; although we have a lot of freedom, those of us in private practice do not have the practical benefits many professionals take for granted, such as sick or vacation days, or health insurance that is less than astronomical; we tend to be made fun of in the popular culture; we have limited job security; the importance of our work is undervalued, misunderstood, or misrepresented by many; if you do the work well, you will be no stranger to self-doubt and uncertainty; you have to metabolize a lot of ugly stuff; and new acquaintances tend to become uneasy when you tell them what you do, just to name a few. But the world is not rich with opportunities to make a living in ways that feel intellectually and morally coherent and also promote emotional health and growth. It is a life of service in many respects, but also a life of service to the self, an opportunity to try to do good and to try to be good. That is a lot to be grateful for. 

Finding Playfulness in the Seriousness

I have recently seen videos of social experiments that encouraged adults to find time to play. In one such video, a hopscotch board was drawn on a city street and over the course of the next ten hours of the 1,058 people who walked by, only 129 stopped, if but momentarily, to engage in the playful distraction.

In another video, a man and his friends set up a large ball pit in an urban space to see if adults would take a moment for themselves. He asked people walking by if they were too busy to have fun. Immediate responses focused on the need to return to work – all work, no play. However, several people decided to seize the moment to dive in. A man wearing a perfectly pressed suit threw his briefcase into the pit moments before jumping in. The joy that exuded from those playful moments was priceless.

I am a play therapist, so am fortunate to play for a living. Through play therapy, children can externalize, process, master their struggles and tame inner demons through a variety of expressive mediums. Sessions transform from battles to caring for babies, playing sports, building worlds in the sand, making and eating full course meals, watching puppet shows, drawing, painting, blowing bubbles, and much more. With play, the possibilities are only limited by one’s imagination. It is truly a privilege to see the healing power of play first hand and to make time to experience play myself.

I would guess a vast majority of adults believe that play is primarily reserved for children. Life is stressful and there are a plethora of serious tasks and obligations that we must save our energy for instead of goofing off and spending time playing. Many of us are inundated with a full caseload, meetings, case management, consultation groups or supervision, continuing education, family obligations, and other side projects. We simply do not have time to stop and play hopscotch or jump in the ball pit. It does not mean that we do not want to; there is just not enough time in the day.

Being a psychotherapist is an immensely rewarding, and at times challenging and emotionally draining job. Being a container for so many hurting humans takes its toll on mind and body. We need self-care more than we allow for ourselves. We need to remember that we cannot give so much to so many and very little to ourselves. We must be gentle with ourselves and find time to rest, relax, and replenish.

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be completely immersed in your imagination and fully experience that moment? How can you make more time for playful self-care? When an obligation needs to be removed from our schedules, why is self-care is often the first to go? Because we convince ourselves that we cannot possibly sacrifice anything else on our schedule. As the Zen proverb states, “You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day – unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.” This gentle self-care reminder is applicable to time spent playing as well. Foster more moments of joy, laughter, happiness and the liberation play can bring in your lives. The next time we contemplate if we have time in our day to playfully tend to our minds and bodies because we are too jam-packed, we must remind ourselves that these are the moments that we need these experiences the most.
 

Why the Therapist

My family, like any other, has its ups and downs, especially now as we are free-falling somewhere in the middle of Monica McGoldrick’s stage of ‘launching children and moving on’. I’m not exactly sure if our children just aren't on the same launch schedule as my wife and I, or if we have simply failed to supply them with sufficient psychological propellant for their tanks.

In any event, a recent episode in our family’s unfolding narrative culminated with my wife, a social worker by training, texting our seed-sowing, soon-to-be 20-year-old ‘emerging-adult’ daughter a poignant, incisive and heartfelt text. Fearful that her venturing forth would leave family and friends behind, it read simply, “it’s much easier to ignore people and cut them off, than working at repairing relationships.”

Brilliant, I thought. My wife was quite proud, and I of her, for providing our child with yet another foundation stone in the launch pad from which she could eventually free herself from the massive gravitational pull of planet parent (not sure of why the intergalactic metaphors here, but it probably has something to do with encounters with alien life forms- our young-adult children).

We both eagerly awaited our daughter’s response, certain that it would be replete with affection and gratitude for sound advice. What my wife got back was, “Is that a dad quote?!” REALLY, is that a dad quote?!?! Was this a not-so-cryptic attempt to marginalize and diminish my wife? A backhanded insult at me for offering yet another of my unsolicited and perhaps patronizing pieces of parenting?

Mind you, I am a PhD clinical psychologist, with ABPP certification in child and adolescent psychology and a registered play therapist-supervisor. I have street cred with kids, teens and families. People pay me cash money, and those whose lives I have touched seem grateful, at least many of them do.

Which finally brings us around to the mixed metaphor title of this blog post. Parenting is rocky on any planet. And to paraphrase the great Sylvester Stallone from his movie Rocky Balboa, “life ain’t all sunshine and rainbows…it’s a mean and nasty place, and will drop you to your knees.”

So, getting back to the idea of therapists offering advice to their not-so-receptive children. The proverb says, that ‘the cobbler’s children always need new shoes,’ a popular example of the notion of vocational irony. A deep inspection finds this saying has several implications. If the cobbler was really good at his job, his kids wouldn’t need to go barefoot. Or perhaps it means that the cobbler is so busy cobbling for others, that his own children go without. But did anyone ever stop to think that the cobbler’s kids just don’t want to wear their father’s cobbled creations? Maybe the kicks (teen slang for shoes, I am told) are cooler in the cobblery down the street. Or maybe they would rather make their own shoes!

And maybe psychotherapists everywhere, especially those that dare to work with teens and their families, can take a lesson from this humble cobbler of young psyches. Keep your cobbling separate from your parenting, or you might end up with holes in the soles of your relationships. 

On Holding Your Tongue

We therapists have all been guilty of this one: holding forth when we should really be letting our client have the floor. I recall many cringe-worthy moments as a nervous new therapist, going as far as talking to my clients about the theory behind what they were experiencing, convinced they would be as fascinated by this as I was. Fortunately, I was empathic enough to pick up on their blank stares and restrain myself.

I am currently in the process of doing a qualitative study on the common factors in working with dreams. This is relevant because of what I’m finding in the data around dream interpretation. In short, don’t do it! What modern dreamwork methods suggest is that even if you have a jaw-droppingly brilliant sense of what your client’s dream is about… don't, especially if you have something amazing to say, the best thing to do is keep it to yourself!

Why hold back? There are a few good reasons. First, because we may not actually be right. Dreams are multi-faceted and only the dreamer really knows what they are about. My wonderful interpretation may fit the images tidily and still not have any relationship to the client’s dream. Also, I’ve found that if my take on the dream is not a fit, my less assertive clients will do their best to see my point of view and contort their dream into the Procrustean bed I’ve made for them.

Another reason to hold back my brilliance? This is the main reason: because if I don’t, I rob the client of their own thrill of discovery, the excitement that comes when they unlock the meaning of the dream for themselves. Not only will the client’s interpretation be better-timed because the realization comes when they are clearly ready to have it, but also, the insight or experiential shifts made in the process will stick because they are the dreamer’s own and there is strong emotion attached to their discovery.

Despite what I just wrote, on occasion, if I feel I really must offer my pearls of wisdom about a dream, I have learned to do so tentatively, and back off immediately if I get that telltale blank stare. I may be right, and the timing may be wrong. Or I may be way off base. Either way, the best interpretation is the one that comes from the client. After all, I don’t want them to walk away from therapy thinking, “Wow my therapist is so smart, how can I manage without her?” Rather better is when they walk away with a sense of mastery and confidence about their own ability to read into their dreams and their life.

That said, good dreamwork like good therapy, should be highly collaborative. We all tend to have huge blind spots around the images that come in our dreams; so playful and respectful curiosity can help guide the dreamer to find their way through the complexity of their dream world. You can also use a device from the dream interview method that suggests you play really dumb and ask the dreamer to explain their dream images as if you are from another planet. The words they use for me-from-Mars often give a sense of how the image may be a metaphor for something in their life-and what they say is never predictable. If they dream about a dog and I say, “I’m from Mars, what’s a dog?” the answers could range wildly: from a dangerous beast with big teeth to my best and most loyal friend.

In the common factors research into dreamwork, of the 14 dreamwork methods I analysed, only psychoanalysis still advocates for interpretation by the dreamworker. All the rest advise strictly against it and suggest instead to encourage the dreamer to engage with their dream experientially and allow the dreamer’s sense of what the dream means to emerge. When I’ve had the self-discipline to do that, so often I have been amazed by the creativity and insight from my clients, and the unexpected places they went with their dream images, that I’m glad I held my tongue.