“Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.”
Harry Emerson Fosdick
Retirement, derived from the French word retirer, means to withdraw. And you do withdraw—from a schedule, earned income, a special sense of purpose, expressions of gratitude from those you served, opportunities to be creative, and collegial interactions that sustained you. In its place, a new, unwritten chapter awaits.
On a personal note, I’m 76-year-old retired clinical psychologist. I maintained a private practice for 48 years and for seven of those years, served as a school counselor. For most of my career I thought I might never retire. I loved hearing client stories and believed I was helpful. My mainstay “word of mouth” referrals provided face validation. I loved my work, and while I miss it (slightly), I am satisfied to have closed my practice. I like to think that I served my profession well, and I’m surprised to feel even happier in retirement. How did that happen?
These retirement musings, based upon Erik Erikson’s eighth stage of psychosocial development––Ego Integrity vs Despair, offer both practical considerations for effecting a smooth transition into retirement as well as psychological considerations for embracing a meaningful life during retirement.
Erikson wrote that a positive experience of older age derives from the belief that the totality of all that life has offered is both understood and accepted. Being at peace with who we were and who we have become are worthwhile goals. He further opined that “healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death.” Because death is the ultimate withdrawal, retirement can feel one step closer to death. As we transition into retirement, our loved ones, including our children, observe how we relate to aging, limitations, and endings. In that sense, retirement isn’t just personal. Our inner life becomes part of the legacy we hand down to them.
My graduate program at the California School of Professional Psychology (now Alliant University) in San Diego never provided a course in retirement issues to consider, but if it had (and I wish it had), it might have included the following topics.
Structure
Work provides structure. (Yes, I have a keen grasp of the obvious!) Whether that structure was imposed by an employer or self-imposed in private practice, that familiar routine is absent post-retirement. A well-ordered weekly structure can increase productivity and provide soothing predictability to each day’s activities. Its absence, requiring more ad hoc decisions to be made, can be stressful. Retirement affords the opportunity to determine the extent of each day’s structure. Even in retirement, waking up to an alarm clock may be helpful in signaling that there are things to look forward to. Scheduling regular lunches with friends and colleagues, time to read, time to exercise, or time to write in a journal are all options. It may take a bit to explore various options for structured time. Retirement offers ample time to vet the options.
An early lesson from my career applies here. When I was first licensed and seated at my desk in a private practice setting, I quickly realized that not only was I not seeing any clients, but (almost) no one knew I was even available. If I wanted to work, I had to make things happen. In retirement, the same is true. Taking the initiative is paramount. When I first retired, (almost) nobody knew I had retired and was available to get together.
In the spirit of integrity, not having a schedule doesn’t mean that nothing is scheduled. Every morning, not just on weekends, is great for scheduling things. I like mornings because I have more energy. Movement such as nature walks, a standing lunch with a friend or partner, or table tennis games (my personal passion) are all great choices. If desired, a small number of structured commitments that keep the mind engaged without recreating the pressure of a full caseload can also be scheduled. Limited professional consultations or mentorship (a few hours a month, pre-scheduled, no urgent care), periodic talks, volunteering to a cause compatible with professional skills such as Big Brothers or Big Sisters or starting a scholarly or creative project are also good options. The idea is to use your psychological talents and experience without recreating the grind.
Conversely, in Erikson’s eighth stage slide despair, self-initiative declines believing that you were defined by your professional title and function. Activities and social times decrease. You may believe that you have lost more than you have gained and that nothing will offset or replace the loss of status, routine, earned income, and meaning that you generated during your career.
Money
Work provides income. (Also, obvious!) Saving as much money as you can as quickly as you can makes clear the significance of compound interest. It’s been said that “You can’t make new old friends.” Likewise, you can’t benefit from compound interest unless you start early.
In retirement, more conservative investment profiles typically emerge, another reason to start as early as possible. This shift can be especially salient for those whose self-esteem has been closely tied to earning power and assets. Beyond investing, estate planning can help manage taxes, protect interests, and clarify estate distributions.
A practical aspect of asset management is the careful shutting down of a career. On-going clients need to be properly transitioned to other providers. Clinical records need to be managed in accordance with national and state guidelines. Online messaging should make it clear that new referrals are no longer accepted. “Tail coverage” is protection from delayed claims. With tail coverage there is reassurance that delayed claims will be less stressful. Navigating these practical decisions shrinks the background noise of financial worry and prevents late-night second-guessing.
In retirement, our relationship with money may change. Earned income dwindles and assets may not continue to grow. Whatever financial flexibility there may be allows for choices to be made in accordance with personal values. For example, gifting trust investment accounts for children and/or grandchildren and making charitable contributions supports a sense of purpose for the assets.
If assets are more modest, finding ways to live within a budget with an eye toward the likelihood of increased spending on medical expenses makes sense. There can be great satisfaction that your life’s mission has been more about the size of your heart than the size of your bank account.
Status
Being a psychotherapist typically engenders an elevated level of respect. Letting licenses lapse and retiring from work can compromise a professional identity that was developed over a whole career.
It is important to cultivate your friendships in ways that help maintain a sense of being valued. Communication skills honed over the years enable the development of relationships with deep connection, and in retirement relationships can be about both of you! Volunteer work, writing a blog or magazine articles (like this one) are additional means for establishing some status.
Prior to retirement, you couldn’t be a therapist for your friends, spouse, or children (even though you may have been extremely helpful). When they resist well-intentioned efforts to learn better communications skills, address their anxiety, depression, or passive aggressiveness, frustration and feeling underappreciated may emerge. To paraphrase the adage “You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy,”––you can take the psychotherapist out of the office, but you need to take the clinical practice out of the psychotherapist.
With integrity there is a recognition that everyone has limits. Being at peace with personal and professional limitations means that despite best efforts, it is inevitable that not every case was as successful as desired. There is peace in understanding and accepting that all of us personal and professional limits.
With despair, there may be a temptation to redirect therapeutic skills towards family members who may benefit from a little nudge. If despair prevails, rumination about clinical mistakes such as missed diagnoses, clients’ unresolved issues, or adverse outcomes dominates. Furthermore, there is a sense that no other role can be as rewarding as the role enjoyed as a psychological caregiver. An overarching sense of loss in closing a practice can overshadow a history of care in providing positive client outcomes.
Purpose
Work provides a sense of purpose. Having a sense of purpose improves physical and emotional health. It provides motivation, and an increased sense of well-being. It is linked to a longer lifespan, better sleep, a stronger immune system, and cognitive function. In retirement, a sense of purpose is no less important.
In retirement, the sense of purpose shifts from being a psychological caretaker of clients and being financially generative to being supportive of personal values and interpersonal relationships. What is important as you transition out of work? Except for physical and/or emotional limitations, how time is spent is a good indication of what is important. Make sure to pursue interests that support personal passions and purpose.
More free time in retirement allows for being a more frequent presence in the lives of friends and loved ones. It’s an opportunity to share your experience and wisdom. Volunteer work, writing, and civic engagement may also contribute to a sense of purpose. Erving Polster’s book Every Person’s Life is Worth a Novel and Henri Nouwen’s book The Wounded Healer may provide the impetus to draft your own story.
The saying, often attributed to John Wesley, “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways that you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can” provides a roadmap for a purposeful life of integrity.
When despair prevails, there is an undiscovered sense of purpose. The experience of loss of work that consumed days and the occasional evening and that provided meaning may be profound and lead to a sadness that precludes satisfaction in pursuing other opportunities to be of value.
Creativity
Psychotherapy is inherently a creative process. While psychotherapists rely on research and are trained in one or more psychological orientations, I think it reasonable that one of the attractions of our work lies in its opportunities for finding creative solutions to personal and interpersonal problems. Whether your orientation was psychodynamic, humanistic, cognitive, behavioral, systemic, or eclectic, creativity in the work was likely energizing and enjoyable.
It would be helpful in retirement to maintain a creative posture. Take time to determine if you want to write, volunteer, paint, knit, dance, play an instrument, sing, or garden. Retirement can be a time to let talents flourish in new ways.
Conversely, it would be a symptom of despair to believe that there are no satisfying avenues to be creative.
Community
Whether your work setting was a large business setting or a small setting as a solo practitioner, opportunities to engage with colleagues, mentors, or supervisees were embedded in the job. Conferences, workshops, and professional association meetings made community building more available. Because the ethical code cautioned against having “dual relationships,” anyone other than clients could become community.
In retirement, community engagement is just as important. Professionals have sophisticated communication skills, and there are opportunities to engage with community organizations including charitable, church, and service groups. There is more time to join reading groups, join a gym, play an instrument in a band, or play poker.
Being introverted or socially shy makes it more difficult to establish a community, but making the effort may help in maintaining a personal identity, reducing isolation, and having emotional support for when difficulties arise. Conversations shift from a primary focus on ameliorating something to a focus on being present and known as a whole person.
With despair, feelings of isolation and loneliness prevail. Not feeling a part of things means not initiating calls or meetings with past colleagues. That lack of contact, interpreted as a lack of caring, adds a sense of personal unworthiness to the loss of professional status.
Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief associated with missing out (AGAWMO) is the sense of impending sadness due to an anticipated loss of participating in advancements and changes in the profession. Contributions from Artificial Intelligence (AI) and other computer technologies, biochemistry, behavioral research, and genetics are accelerating at an unprecedented pace. When we retire, we also withdraw from the excitement of taking advantage of evolving information and processes. Retirement and aging inevitably involve letting go of what might have been, something that we didn’t need to previously consider, professionally as well as personally. Grief is the experience of loss. Even anticipated loss.
Renunciation and Wisdom
For Erik Erikson, successfully navigating Ego Integrity v Despair results in understanding and accepting the course of one’s life including its accomplishments and disappointments (renunciation) and an appreciation of the experience, knowledge, and good judgment required to be both a follower and a leader as situations call for (wisdom).
Maintaining healthy physical, cognitive, and emotional habits is a priority. Honoring normal shifts in energy and memory by matching commitments to more limited capacity indicates acceptance. Movement, sleep, and medical care are scheduled with a focus on maintaining health and well-being. Additionally, there is permission to play––reading for pleasure, art, travel, gardening, grandparenting––activities that refresh and renew.
Meaning is carried forward through legacy, not workload. Imparting perspective and values where you can create a legacy that enriches your circle of friends and family and continues beyond day-to-day contact
Existentially, Integration becomes a practice. Regrets are employed as teachers, not guilt proclaimers. When thoughts of old cases surface, they are met with compassion and the knowledge that endings are part of care. David Winnicott’s words, “Good enough is good enough” are taken to heart.
Professional identity evolves as a source of wisdom, not a job title that requires daily evidence. There is a belief that the practice of psychotherapy was honorable with a feeling of appreciation and without clinging to the need for acknowledgement from others. Integrity is manifested as a settled sense that the work mattered, that ethical principles were followed and mistakes were opportunities to learn and perform better. The world became a (slightly) better place.
Ego integrity involves a profound sense of gratitude in brief reflections, notes to colleagues, or a nature walk that keeps a focus on what is good and growing.
Aspirationally, post-retirement life is connected, principled, and a welcomed new adventure. You closed your practice with care, defined your ongoing role clearly, and have chosen a small set of generative commitments. Most days contain something to look forward to, and there is no one waiting in crisis to be helped. My hope is that having a sense of balance off having been useful without burden and memory without despair will strengthen my feeling of integrity.
Whatever the current status of your professional career, dedicating some thought as to how it might end and what might be next is worthwhile. Wherever the status of your personal journey, I wish you renunciation and wisdom in your retirement!
