Once he understands the family structure, including each of the children’s cut-off relationships with their “missing” biological parent, Aponte identifies that the parents are not coming together enough to discuss their family and the decisions that matter. In an almost deceptively informal manner, Aponte helps the strong-willed parents key in on their tendency to live separate, self-controlled lives in the same house. As the distance is identified, it starts to close, and the parents have an action they can take to make things go better—they can get together to talk about their family. “You are both very strong people,” he says at one point, “As difficult as it is now to get together, I think you’ll be that much better parents if you can talk. I think you’ll be very effective parents to these kids. And they need a strong set of parents.” Both parents nod and agree. The task is thus identified and put before them; though not easy, it is a realistic goal.
In a follow-up discussion with the referring therapist, Aponte stresses that the therapist the family continues to work with must gain their trust—especially that of the father, Carl. He advises that the therapist must truly join with them or be left on the outside—ultimately ineffective. Aponte reveals that after the session was over, Rosalind (wife and mother) told him that she was “shocked” at how much her normally silent husband spoke in the session. Aponte clearly won Carl’s confidence and trust; a very moving thing to see unfold in a short time.
