Grieving is a developmental process including the development of our client’s “self-narrative.” To a point, there is a relationship between the degree of suffering one has encountered and the amount of growth that they may experience, beyond which they may shut down and/or retreat. In that mid-range of suffering, clients may be at a point where they can consider the importance of what and who has value for them and how to respond to life choices moving forward. Such is the case with the clients featured in this video as they work with Neimeyer.

This video opens with a short excerpt featuring grief therapist Carolyn Ng, who we saw earlier on, as she works with Lisa, whose only child Ray Ray was murdered, seemingly randomly, in a convenience store. As Lisa describes the horror of her son’s death and how it has derailed her life, Ng shines light on a moment, an opportunity, to note how Lisa has also taken the opportunity to present herself differently to people in her life — from a lifelong presentation of guardedness to one of greater authenticity. Together, they grow Lisa’s story from one of profound loss to one of personal and interpersonal growth and possibility.

Carolyn is stuck in both the event story and unfinished business surrounding the loss of her father to COVID during the pandemic, under circumstances where she could not be with him. She carries forward traumatizing memories of his death. Even more so, however, her unfinished business with him centers around not only guilt, but also the identification she had with him around music, and how this resulted in her life being colonized by her academic career in the musical field. Through his attunement to her implicit questioning about her identity and markers for self-change, Neimeyer helps Carolyn to untangle the unhealthy attachment to her father, enlist him as an ally, and finally share her desire and plan for an expanded life with broader meaning beyond music.

Erica is reeling in the aftermath of her military husband’s suicide death while on deployment in Afghanistan. All the more traumatizing was that her husband conveyed his intentions, albeit somewhat cryptically, through a text message. Initially, she and Neimeyer did some redemptive restorative storytelling by weaving together the three strands of the story — the external narrative, the internal narrative, and the reflexive narrative. However, she was left feeling confused about who they were as a couple, so with Neimeyer’s help, she begins to question who she is now that her husband is gone, considers shedding parts of herself that were not fulfilling prior to her husband’s death, and rebuilding her self-story and her life. As she begins to unravel this “beautiful problem,” as Neimeyer describes it, Erica’s posttraumatic growth includes continued treatment, returning to school, becoming a counselor, and reflecting on what she wants in a relationship.

So, join Robert Neimeyer as you move beyond simplistic theories, rigid protocols, and narrow definitions, to expand your knowledge and skills base and begin guiding your own clients through and out of the labyrinth of loss and grieving.