Have you ever had a client who asserts they do not need counseling, yet there they are, sitting with you? I have experienced this on more than one occasion. With these clients, I must often find creative ways to connect with them that offer a less threatening entry to the idea of talking to someone about life and their feelings about it.
George was a 35-year-old male sitting in my office because his wife told him to get help or that she was going to leave. He had heard of me from a friend and that I was “good with military stuff” and since he was a Veteran, “well, here I am.” During our intake, George shared that he did not think his military time was relevant to his wife’s ultimatum. He said that she was often frustrated that after returning from work he would rather spend time watching sports than spending time with her. George didn’t perceive this to be a problem and thought she might simply be experiencing a period of neediness.
Around the time I was working with George, I had a counseling student/basketball coach who often used basketball metaphors for his own clinical skill development. Talk about opportune timing! I remember during one particular skills class he said that he had to overcome hurdles to complete one of his more challenging assignments. He said that this process wasn’t much different from reviewing a game replay film. This is when I realized how much I was learning from my student, so I decided to reach out to him to collaborate on this essay. I’m grateful to share that this marked the beginning of our journey together.
Off the court and in the therapy space, making changes, evaluating resources, and identifying barriers are necessities. Often, clients start by presenting all the resources and support that are available to them. They discern throughout their counseling what issues they need to take to the court and which can remain on the bench. This process is parallel to the moment when coaches have to make the decision to bench a particular player for their own good or for that of the team.
In basketball, a player may indeed be able to score a few points, but giving them the chance to do so may not support the needs of the team as a whole or the be the best strategy for winning. Winning, even with the best players can still be a challenge. Unpredictability on the court is common and upsets happen. Just as in life, and in the therapy space in particular, unpredictable twists and turns must be considered, and strategies need to be revised. When working with George, where I was the counselor, but also a coach of sorts, we had to work together in order to discern clear goals and his true desires for the marriage.
The concept of “team” offered a useful metaphor for George’s place in the family. While I was working with him individually, I had to keep my eye on his team, or system. I had to account for both him and his “team.” He had come to counseling because his wife, his teammate, provided him with an ultimatum to go, or their marriage would end. The idea of losing her was not something he was willing to risk. That was not his goal, so we needed to strategize to come up with a game plan that would lead him, and his wife, to marital victory.
I was able to carefully navigate George’s system to understand his role within it, as well as explore his personal perception of what marriage and family meant, and the behavioral implications for not just him, but his “team.” I was able to reflect on his circumstances as if we were reviewing a game film. And just as game videos help players understand the difference between what occurred on the court and what they want to do differently next time, George was able to review, re-evaluate, and strategize before he resumed ‘marital play’ with his wife. Together, we created a therapeutic locker room, a nonjudgmental space to examine not only what was best for him, but also for his team.
This “locker room conversation” led to an exploration with George about his relationship with his wife, what he had to offer, and what he wanted in return, or in short, what he brought to the court of his marriage and what he needed in return. Even when players are at the top of their game, there are times when they need to come off the court and onto the sideline for both their own benefit and that of the team’s. The metaphor of shifting to the sideline and the “bench” to calmly and objectively re-evaluate his “game plan” seemed critical at this juncture in his marriage. Consultation with the coaching staff—me, in this case, served as a useful, and hopefully, productive “time out” in which George could decide what changes he wanted to make, if any.
I was able to process George’s strengths and weaknesses to support his awareness, processing, and empowerment towards goals. Coaches aid their athletes in understanding their skillset, areas in need of growth, and seek to empower them to improve upon their abilities to excel. To reach goals and excel requires analysis of strategies. Some skill sets may be more beneficial at specific times while others need to take the bench and allow their teammates to perform in order to obtain the overarching goal.
Collaboration between the clinician and client(s) and the coach and athlete(s) are essential to advance towards goal attainment. During George’s last session with me, he shared his fondness for a basketball movie called, For the Love of the Game. It was an apt ending for our work together, the results of which he could hopefully take back onto the court of his marriage.
Postscript: In working on this piece with Dr. Arcuri-Sanders, I (Daniel) was touched and honored to hear how she incorporated some of my thoughts and love for basketball into her clinical work with George. I felt validated in my pursuit of counseling licensure, my passion for basketball, and being able to connect the two.
File under: The Art of Psychotherapy, Musings and Reflections
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A Reluctant Player Picks Up the Ball
One client in particular stands out, and I’m especially grateful to one of my counselors-in-training who helped build the bridge that allowed me to break through the client’s defensiveness. That moment opened the door to a genuine connection—one that invited him to work alongside me to improve his quality of life.George was a 35-year-old male sitting in my office because his wife told him to get help or that she was going to leave. He had heard of me from a friend and that I was “good with military stuff” and since he was a Veteran, “well, here I am.” During our intake, George shared that he did not think his military time was relevant to his wife’s ultimatum. He said that she was often frustrated that after returning from work he would rather spend time watching sports than spending time with her. George didn’t perceive this to be a problem and thought she might simply be experiencing a period of neediness.
Around the time I was working with George, I had a counseling student/basketball coach who often used basketball metaphors for his own clinical skill development. Talk about opportune timing! I remember during one particular skills class he said that he had to overcome hurdles to complete one of his more challenging assignments. He said that this process wasn’t much different from reviewing a game replay film. This is when I realized how much I was learning from my student, so I decided to reach out to him to collaborate on this essay. I’m grateful to share that this marked the beginning of our journey together.
The Game Plan: Basketball as a Metaphor for Counseling
Working alongside my student taught me a great deal about the parallels between counseling and basketball, success in which depends upon continuous, real-time collaboration between the coaches and players to overcome barriers to victory.Off the court and in the therapy space, making changes, evaluating resources, and identifying barriers are necessities. Often, clients start by presenting all the resources and support that are available to them. They discern throughout their counseling what issues they need to take to the court and which can remain on the bench. This process is parallel to the moment when coaches have to make the decision to bench a particular player for their own good or for that of the team.
In basketball, a player may indeed be able to score a few points, but giving them the chance to do so may not support the needs of the team as a whole or the be the best strategy for winning. Winning, even with the best players can still be a challenge. Unpredictability on the court is common and upsets happen. Just as in life, and in the therapy space in particular, unpredictable twists and turns must be considered, and strategies need to be revised. When working with George, where I was the counselor, but also a coach of sorts, we had to work together in order to discern clear goals and his true desires for the marriage.
The concept of “team” offered a useful metaphor for George’s place in the family. While I was working with him individually, I had to keep my eye on his team, or system. I had to account for both him and his “team.” He had come to counseling because his wife, his teammate, provided him with an ultimatum to go, or their marriage would end. The idea of losing her was not something he was willing to risk. That was not his goal, so we needed to strategize to come up with a game plan that would lead him, and his wife, to marital victory.
I was able to carefully navigate George’s system to understand his role within it, as well as explore his personal perception of what marriage and family meant, and the behavioral implications for not just him, but his “team.” I was able to reflect on his circumstances as if we were reviewing a game film. And just as game videos help players understand the difference between what occurred on the court and what they want to do differently next time, George was able to review, re-evaluate, and strategize before he resumed ‘marital play’ with his wife. Together, we created a therapeutic locker room, a nonjudgmental space to examine not only what was best for him, but also for his team.
This “locker room conversation” led to an exploration with George about his relationship with his wife, what he had to offer, and what he wanted in return, or in short, what he brought to the court of his marriage and what he needed in return. Even when players are at the top of their game, there are times when they need to come off the court and onto the sideline for both their own benefit and that of the team’s. The metaphor of shifting to the sideline and the “bench” to calmly and objectively re-evaluate his “game plan” seemed critical at this juncture in his marriage. Consultation with the coaching staff—me, in this case, served as a useful, and hopefully, productive “time out” in which George could decide what changes he wanted to make, if any.
I was able to process George’s strengths and weaknesses to support his awareness, processing, and empowerment towards goals. Coaches aid their athletes in understanding their skillset, areas in need of growth, and seek to empower them to improve upon their abilities to excel. To reach goals and excel requires analysis of strategies. Some skill sets may be more beneficial at specific times while others need to take the bench and allow their teammates to perform in order to obtain the overarching goal.
Collaboration between the clinician and client(s) and the coach and athlete(s) are essential to advance towards goal attainment. During George’s last session with me, he shared his fondness for a basketball movie called, For the Love of the Game. It was an apt ending for our work together, the results of which he could hopefully take back onto the court of his marriage.
Takeaways
I could have spent hours researching the sport, but true understanding only came through learning from someone who genuinely loves the game and is eager to share that passion. In the same way, I’m grateful to model for my student that even the most seasoned clinicians remain open to growth and committed to refining their skills.Postscript: In working on this piece with Dr. Arcuri-Sanders, I (Daniel) was touched and honored to hear how she incorporated some of my thoughts and love for basketball into her clinical work with George. I felt validated in my pursuit of counseling licensure, my passion for basketball, and being able to connect the two.
File under: The Art of Psychotherapy, Musings and Reflections