“You really need to drink less.”
That’s what people kept telling me toward the end of my drinking career. The truth was I completely agreed but just didn’t know how. At age 26, I was diagnosed with Alcohol Use Disorder. Intuitively, I knew drinking was only the surface. The deeper questions—what’s underneath, and how do I address it?—eventually drove me to graduate training in Clinical Psychology.
Through both my own journey and my ongoing clinical work with clients, I began to notice a hidden loop and four forces that fueled drinking cycle:
The first pillar is value alignment. I use value exploration to help a client tap into their intrinsic motivations, and replace behavior-based goals with emotion-based goals that allow them to bridge values and behaviors.
For example, working with a 67-year-old retiree and former lawyer, we uncovered that her core value was intellect. She noticed she drank more on evenings when she felt intellectually understimulated. We explored ways for her to feel more engaged and challenged. Instead of setting a goal around reducing her drinking time at night, we set an emotional goal: increasing the time she spent reading subjects that stimulated her mind.
Within weeks, she was 200 pages into The Satanic Verses and had rediscovered her passion for reading. As a side effect, she sometimes skipped her evening drink to stay sharp for her book.
Of course, not every client’s struggle is solved by picking up a good book, which leads us to the second pillar: Belief Reconstruction.
Pillar 2: Belief Reconstruction
This pillar focuses on identifying, deconstructing, and reconstructing alcohol-related beliefs that fuel desire. At its core, this work helps clients become informed consumers through psychoeducation. In a culture that glorifies alcohol, many people have been sold on its exaggerated benefits while the harms remain obscured. One of my favorite “myth busters” is that while one drink creates a desirable buzz, additional drinks don’t actually make the experience better.
A successful entrepreneur in his early 30s shared that he enjoyed nights out on weekends, but struggled to keep his drinking within limits. Together, we uncovered the hidden beliefs: alcohol makes things more fun and if one beer feels good, five must feel better.
After guiding him to reflect on his own experience after the third drink, I introduced the science of alcohol’s biphasic effect: the first drink gives a brief buzz, but subsequent drinks bring diminishing returns as depressant effects take over. The result is an exhausting cycle of chasing the buzz, but never catching it.
He was struck by this realization. In the weeks that followed, he reported less urge for a third or fourth drink, becoming more mindful of how each one actually affected him—and recognizing that his experience confirmed the science.
While psychoeducation can shift expectations quickly, it alone is rarely enough for clients who rely on alcohol to cope. This leads to the third pillar: Skill Expansion.
Pillar 3: Skill Expansion
The third pillar moves into behavior change. Informed by habit science and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) principles, I help clients see that breaking a well-worn drinking loop isn’t about simply removing alcohol, but about replacing it with empowering skills.
This work is highly individualized, based on the purpose alcohol serves in a client’s life. For example, I worked with a young woman in her 20s who used alcohol as “liquid courage” when confronting family members who treated her poorly. Together, we recognized alcohol was numbing her fear so she could set boundaries. What she truly needed wasn’t another drink, but stronger communication and assertiveness skills.
Skill expansion reframes alcohol as a signpost pointing to the abilities a client most needs to strengthen. Because mastering new skills takes time, this naturally leads to the final pillar: Mindset Upgrading.
Pillar 4 Mindset Upgrading
The final pillar, mindset upgrading, is often overlooked. Many clients believe they should be able to quit overnight if their willpower is strong enough. When they struggle with cravings or slips, they quickly feel ashamed, assuming something is wrong with them. Subconsciously, they get stuck in self-defeating questions like, Why can’t I…?
One client in her late 20s, after quitting drinking, struggled to enjoy socializing without alcohol’s boost of confidence. She asked me, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just make conversation like everyone else?”
What she didn’t realize was that thriving alcohol-free isn’t just not drinking, it’s about building new skills, which takes time and practice. To illustrate this, I shared the analogy of learning to ride a bicycle: falling after removing the training wheels is expected, not proof of failure. Similarly, slipping after removing alcohol is part of growth.
I encouraged her to shift from Why can’t I…? to How can I…? Instead of dwelling on limits, she began asking, How can I start conversations more easily? This reframing opened space for problem-solving and creativity. She even began experimenting with small talk tips as healthier ways to build her confidence.
My hope is that by mapping out these Four Pillars, I can continue to offer my clients a more concrete roadmap to outgrow drinking routines that no longer serve them, and to rediscover an empowered, alcohol-free life.
File under: The Art of Psychotherapy, Musings and Reflections
That’s what people kept telling me toward the end of my drinking career. The truth was I completely agreed but just didn’t know how. At age 26, I was diagnosed with Alcohol Use Disorder. Intuitively, I knew drinking was only the surface. The deeper questions—what’s underneath, and how do I address it?—eventually drove me to graduate training in Clinical Psychology.
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Through both my own journey and my ongoing clinical work with clients, I began to notice a hidden loop and four forces that fueled drinking cycle:
- Universal Needs: Alcohol often serves a purpose—to relax, connect, or have fun.
- Learned Beliefs: People come to see alcohol as a shortcut to those needs.
- Habit Loops: When alcohol ‘works,’ the brain reaches for it again.
- Fixed Mindset: Stories like “I can’t have fun/relax/connect with others without drinking” keep clients stuck.
The Four Pillars
Pillar 1: Value AlignmentThe first pillar is value alignment. I use value exploration to help a client tap into their intrinsic motivations, and replace behavior-based goals with emotion-based goals that allow them to bridge values and behaviors.
For example, working with a 67-year-old retiree and former lawyer, we uncovered that her core value was intellect. She noticed she drank more on evenings when she felt intellectually understimulated. We explored ways for her to feel more engaged and challenged. Instead of setting a goal around reducing her drinking time at night, we set an emotional goal: increasing the time she spent reading subjects that stimulated her mind.
Within weeks, she was 200 pages into The Satanic Verses and had rediscovered her passion for reading. As a side effect, she sometimes skipped her evening drink to stay sharp for her book.
Of course, not every client’s struggle is solved by picking up a good book, which leads us to the second pillar: Belief Reconstruction.
Pillar 2: Belief Reconstruction
This pillar focuses on identifying, deconstructing, and reconstructing alcohol-related beliefs that fuel desire. At its core, this work helps clients become informed consumers through psychoeducation. In a culture that glorifies alcohol, many people have been sold on its exaggerated benefits while the harms remain obscured. One of my favorite “myth busters” is that while one drink creates a desirable buzz, additional drinks don’t actually make the experience better.
A successful entrepreneur in his early 30s shared that he enjoyed nights out on weekends, but struggled to keep his drinking within limits. Together, we uncovered the hidden beliefs: alcohol makes things more fun and if one beer feels good, five must feel better.
After guiding him to reflect on his own experience after the third drink, I introduced the science of alcohol’s biphasic effect: the first drink gives a brief buzz, but subsequent drinks bring diminishing returns as depressant effects take over. The result is an exhausting cycle of chasing the buzz, but never catching it.
He was struck by this realization. In the weeks that followed, he reported less urge for a third or fourth drink, becoming more mindful of how each one actually affected him—and recognizing that his experience confirmed the science.
While psychoeducation can shift expectations quickly, it alone is rarely enough for clients who rely on alcohol to cope. This leads to the third pillar: Skill Expansion.
Pillar 3: Skill Expansion
The third pillar moves into behavior change. Informed by habit science and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) principles, I help clients see that breaking a well-worn drinking loop isn’t about simply removing alcohol, but about replacing it with empowering skills.
This work is highly individualized, based on the purpose alcohol serves in a client’s life. For example, I worked with a young woman in her 20s who used alcohol as “liquid courage” when confronting family members who treated her poorly. Together, we recognized alcohol was numbing her fear so she could set boundaries. What she truly needed wasn’t another drink, but stronger communication and assertiveness skills.
Skill expansion reframes alcohol as a signpost pointing to the abilities a client most needs to strengthen. Because mastering new skills takes time, this naturally leads to the final pillar: Mindset Upgrading.
Pillar 4 Mindset Upgrading
The final pillar, mindset upgrading, is often overlooked. Many clients believe they should be able to quit overnight if their willpower is strong enough. When they struggle with cravings or slips, they quickly feel ashamed, assuming something is wrong with them. Subconsciously, they get stuck in self-defeating questions like, Why can’t I…?
One client in her late 20s, after quitting drinking, struggled to enjoy socializing without alcohol’s boost of confidence. She asked me, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just make conversation like everyone else?”
What she didn’t realize was that thriving alcohol-free isn’t just not drinking, it’s about building new skills, which takes time and practice. To illustrate this, I shared the analogy of learning to ride a bicycle: falling after removing the training wheels is expected, not proof of failure. Similarly, slipping after removing alcohol is part of growth.
I encouraged her to shift from Why can’t I…? to How can I…? Instead of dwelling on limits, she began asking, How can I start conversations more easily? This reframing opened space for problem-solving and creativity. She even began experimenting with small talk tips as healthier ways to build her confidence.
Sobriety as an Empowered Choice
Now, nearly six years into my own sobriety, I see it not as recovery but as discovery: a journey to reconnect with what truly matters, to become an informed consumer, to build confidence without alcohol’s crutch, and to embrace setbacks as growth opportunities.My hope is that by mapping out these Four Pillars, I can continue to offer my clients a more concrete roadmap to outgrow drinking routines that no longer serve them, and to rediscover an empowered, alcohol-free life.
File under: The Art of Psychotherapy, Musings and Reflections